must do.

A few co workers and I went to Tilth Restaurant in Wallingford for dinner a few weeks back. We are still talking about it to this day. I highly recomend the duck sliders. I think it was the best burger I ever had period.

http://tilthrestaurant.com/menu.htm

I forgot how much this hurts

Realizing that your relationship may have run it's course. Having "the talk". And the dam that broke upon coming to terms with that reality. I am scared. not gonna lie. I forgot how much heart break hurts, I am scared to pick up the pieces and I am scared to go at it alone. I am scared of losing my best friend. I am scared to truly be a single parent again, you have been so amazing. How can I be sure I am not making the biggest mistake of my life?

it has begun

Anastasia ordered Girl Scout Cookies without my authorization and came home last night and told me I owed Tiara $10 for them. I said I don't remember ordering cookies. She said "I ordered two boxes of Samoas, cause I know those are your favorites."
I thought to myself "good thinking" and told her next time to tell me ahead of time.
I pick her up from school and the first thing out of her mouth is, "I got the cookies and I ate almost a whole box" oh man she was so guilty.
Not only did she eat her whole share of the cookies but she didn't even wait till she got home, now she gets no cookies in her lunch, for dessert. And she is grounded from sweet anything for 2 weeks.
and then
she just got out of the shower and she shaved one of her legs and mysteriously cut the back of her knee, althjough she swears that she didn't shave the back of her leg. She said some story about how she fell and maybe she slipped on the razor..... uh huh.
I had been allowing her to listen to music while she showered, now she is grounded form that too.

Anastasia Anecdote #1

Asia: Mom What's the highest scoring game in baseball?

Me: I don't know

Asia: Do you know anyone who does know?

Me: Uh... the internet?

Fibromyagia, you win. for now.

Last night I passed out at like 8:30. Typically I am the girl who cannot sleep before 11. Woke up this morning, basic things are very difficult and very painful. And being in the office at 6:30 am, yeah that's painful too.
Right now, coffee is my hero. I made a freakin awesome latte if I do say so myself.

sole provider

I am the Sole Provider for an amazing almost 9 year old girl. I hate saying that I am a "single mom", cause there is not much truth to that. While yes, I am the (mostly) financial sole provider, I am engaged to E, he is a perfect father figure in her life. We live together so his presense in her life is constant and more importantly, his commitment to be a great father to her is constant. They are amazing together.
Her father (V) just moved here about 6 months ago. *sigh* It's been an adjustment. He has been mostly absent for the couple years. He's coming off a coke habit and wants to be back in her life with all these big beautiful plans. And just like always the big beautiful plans fall apart with a billion excuses as to why. But to try to be positive - He is here, off the blow (at least, I hope he is), has a stable job, and I'm not quite sure if he has a place yet, but he has been comfortably couch surfing for the last few months. I have recieved about $100/month in support, but it's sporadic. But really $100 in the land of parenting is chump change. He's trying, and I totally respect that. He is a bigger presence in her life than he has been. I just want him to try a little harder, alot harder. We will get there, it'll just take time. I hope.
So I can't really claim the term "single mom". I do almost everything . The planning her life, PTA stuff, I pay ALL her expenses, etc etc. The only thing I don't do is drive her to school (cause either E or V does that)
So Sole Provider, I would claim "single mom" if E wasn't in my life.

heh. figures.

I had felt inspired to share myself and had this blog (poorly, I'm sure) written out. Somehow I accidently deleted the entire thing. Interweb Gods telling me that I suck. I had to write somthing just have not lost it in vain.
I have been kind of a sour puss or the last couple month. not sure if it's seasonal bullshit or what. I have just felt uninspired in life. Maybe I am still mourning the loss of my good friend.
Took some time off work and rested through the holidays, I'm feeling much better. My soul feels lighter. I was feeling so numb and disconnected. I kept thinking it would pass and it just kept going.
le sigh
I had some internal conflicts going on for awhile. I have spent the last year nuturing a new friendship. Spending time, long talks, getting to know them. Friendships. They are like dating! So yeah, turns out, this person slowly has revealed themselves to not be what/who they say they are. Reveal themselves to actually not be a good person at all (in my estimation). The slow break up of a friendship because the other party won't even communicate with me, even when I have done nothing but be an awesome friend to this person.
meh.
so I have come to the decision that it's over. and it hurts like breaking up with a boyfriend.