I have decided that I will not be able to walk away from my relationship with E unless I know I have exhausted all efforts to make it work.
So here I am at my final idea.
Counseling.
I asked him if he as willing and he was hesitant at first but then came around.
=/

I forgot how much this hurts

Realizing that your relationship may have run it's course. Having "the talk". And the dam that broke upon coming to terms with that reality. I am scared. not gonna lie. I forgot how much heart break hurts, I am scared to pick up the pieces and I am scared to go at it alone. I am scared of losing my best friend. I am scared to truly be a single parent again, you have been so amazing. How can I be sure I am not making the biggest mistake of my life?